I must profess embarrassment. After 5 years of 9/11 activism KSM’s confession today has brought my world crashing down. After years of paranoid conspiracy theories I must now accept the government’s word that this confession is the genuine bona fide article – the final smoking gun behind 9/11.

It is therefore out of respect for our legal system that I will reproduce KSM’s confession here:

I, Khalid Sheik Mohammed, being of sound mind and body, un-coerced through torture, and fully enjoying the legal representation and due process afforded me under the constitution of the United States of America, hereby confess to the following crimes associated with 9/11:

• I confess that in the summer of 2001, I instituted the Visa Express Program in Saudi Arabia which allowed terrorists to enter the United States without even being interviewed by a consular officer. The Visa Express Program was ONLY instituted in Saudi Arabia, and no such privileges were extended to other US allies in Europe or the Middle East – ONLY Saudi Arabia, a country known to have a large population of Muslim fundamentalists hostile to the United States, and loyal to Osama Bin Laden.
• I confess that when Consular representatives objected to this practice I posed as Richard Armitage (a member of the Project for the New American Century) and wrote a letter in his name defending the practice. Stating:
  • "Unfortunately, the information we have received from Foreign Terrorist Tracking Task Force so far has been insufficient to permit a consular officer to deny a visa. The information we have received states only that the FTTTF believes the applicants may pose a threat to national security."
• When a top secret Pentagon program “Able Danger” got wind of known Al Qaeda terrorists residing in Florida, and learned that they were taking flight lessons, they quickly dispatched officers, including Lt. Col Anthony Shaffer, to meet with SOCOM in Florida. I confess that I posed as an ‘unnamed’ two star general who warned Shaffer that he would lose his job if he continued to pursue action on Mohammad Atta. In fact, I ordered him to place yellow stickers over Atta’s face on the large chart Able Danger had prepared identifying the terrorists.
• I confess that I have destroyed Lt. Col. Anthony Shaffer’s career by placing him on administrative leave, taking his health benefits, pension and salary away – and slapping a gag order on him prohibiting him from talking about the incident.
• I confess that I infiltrated the 911 Commission and erased all knowledge and references to Lt. Col. Anthony Shaffer and Able Danger in their final report.
• I confess that when known Al Qaeda terrorists arrived in San Diego I posed as a professor of English Abdussattar Shaikh – a known FBI asset – met them at the airport and housed them under my own roof. I possessed a phony diploma from a phony college with known military-intelligence connections.
• I confess that when the hijackings were underway I prevented the US Airforce from scambling jets to protect Washington DC – despite the nearly 90 minutes warning they received.
• I confess that I had the Pentagon ‘stand down’ its anti-aircraft batteries, allowing the plane to hit.
• I confess that I secretly tutored Hijacker Hani Honjour (who could not even fly a single engine Cessna) to fly a wide-bodied jet, with all its modern instrumentation aboard, from Ohio to Washington DC, evading radar and the United States Air Force the entire way, and hitting the Pentagon with pinpoint accuracy, executing a flight maneuver that even experienced pilots claim they would have difficulty executing.
• I confess that – out of compassion - I arranged for the one section of the Pentagon that was struck to be nearly empty due to renovations (to reinforce walls with blast resistant Kevlar).
• I confess that I secretly worked with esteemed physicist Stephen Hawking to change the laws of physics and caused 3 buildings in NYC to collapse at near free-fall speed, despite the internally redundant and massive core columns which were unaffected by damage and fire.
• I confess that I slipped President George W. Bush pharmaceutical grade LSD on the morning of 9/11, causing him to sit enraptured over a pet goat story depicted in a children’s book, despite being told by his chief of staff that “America Is Under Attack.”
• I confess that I hindered the investigations into Zacarias Mousoui by re-writing and removing key evidence from the subpoena to search his laptop, despite over 70 warnings that he was planning air piracy.
• I confess that I removed military-grade anthrax from the army’s Ft. Detrick, MD laboratories, and mailed it to liberal democrats in Congress who were threatening to slow down passage of the Patriot Act.
• I confess that I ordered Dick Cheney’s staff to begin taking the anti-anthrax antibiotic Cipro just days before the first of the anthrax letters were mailed.
• I confess that I fabricated all the links between Iraq and Al Qaeda and WMDs and 9/11, confusing the American public into launching a catastrophically ill-advised war in Iraq.
• I confess that I distracted nearly everyone in the chain of command on 911, so that none of them were available to take action on that morning.
• I confess that I scheduled a meeting between the acting head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Max Clellan, so that he was unaware of the attacks until after the Pentagon was hit.
• I confess that I forced Donald Rumsfeld to sit inactive at his desk on 9/11 until after the Pentagon was hit.
• I confess that I made the secret service sit inactive, failing to protect the president and remove him from his Sarasota school photo-op, until after the Pentagon was hit.
• I confess that I ordered all the top brass in the Pentagon on September 10th to cancel their travel plans for the next day.
• I confess that I made General Winfield (in charge of the Pentagon war room) request a rookie stand in for him on the morning of September 11th. I had him put this request in on the evening of September 10th.
• I confess that I ordered multiple simultaneous war games for the morning of September 11th that mirrored the hijackings themselves - confused air traffic controllers.
• I confess that I ordered multiple drills for the morning of September 11th, including FEMA being pre-placed in Manhattan – and emergency personnel pre-placed in Washington DC preparing for a scenario of a plane hitting the CIA building.
• I confess that made Donald Rumsfeld address congress at 8am on the morning of 9/11, and warn them that soon something ‘shocking’ would happen soon.
• I confess that I published the infamous Project For The New American Century document that described the need for a “catastrophic and catalyzing event – like a new Pearl Harbor.”
• I confess that I forced the president to ignore dozens or warnings, including his August 6th presidential briefing entitled, “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in the US”
• I confess that I forced NORAD to provide 3 timelines of events for that day, all of which have been proven to be inaccurate.
• I confess that I hindered the president in his attempts to capture Osama Bin Laden for the last 5 years.
• I confess that I hindered the president in his attempts to rescue people in New Orleans.
• I confess that I personally signed legislation destroying the United States Constitution – removing civil liberties and due process.
• I confess that I mesmerized the American media into NOT ASKING QUESTIONS about 9/11.
• I confess that I placed cointelpro operatives throughout the 911 Truth movement to distract them with tales of holograms, space beams, TVFakery and American Idol.
• I confess that I killed O.J. Simpson’s wife.
• I confess that I kidnapped the Lindberg baby.
• I confess that I am the Zodiac killer.
• I confess that I fired the fatal headshot in the JFK assassination.